As I sit here riding out my methotrexate hang over I've just got off the telephone to a representative of Arthritis Research UK as I have been asked if I would like to help out with one of their up coming campaigns. I'm always honoured to take part and help out with this wonderful charity as their research gives people like myself hope for the future.
On the whole I am confident and 'ok' talking about my life, the way it has changed and how I 'cope'. One question floored me today, it was a simple question and one that may children are asked. It was " if you could have one wish, what would it be?" blimey! I felt so silly as I couldn't stop the tears falling from my eyes, tears of memories past and tears for memories that should have been made rolling down my dry pale cheeks. Luckily we were talking by phone so the lady couldn't see me but she knew as my voice cracked with my answer "to be pain free"
It sounds a simple wish but one that I fear can never be granted without the use of strong pain medications. Most people would probably wish for something like a lotto win or an expensive holiday in far flung places, but for me it would be to wake up without pain and stiffness. To walk without crutches or use a wheelchair. To have just one day without pain. It's difficult to remember a time when my body didn't ache beyond words, where joints weren't so stiff I felt my age instead of a old lady and where I didn't battle fatigue for just getting out of bed.
My life is not all doom and gloom and I certainly don't want pity from people. I have these challenges which most people who suffer with autoimmune conditions have but I am not prepared to sit back and not fight some resemblance of normality. Anyhooo.....what is normal anyway?!!!
So far I have survived the school summer jollies with the kids. We have had days out, had picnics, seen air shows, visited family, had meals out interspersed with days of rest and movie days sprawled on the sofa.
Today my new wheelchair has been delivered. I had a pang of sadness as it was wheeled through the door ready to be fitted another day. But then remembered this wheelchair will help me get out and about with less pain, enjoy more days with the family and prevent me from being stuck in the house.
I hope you are enjoying the summer months and are not in too much pain xxx
