The Countdown Begins!

It's been a few weeks since I have last sat down to put something on my blog. Life and arthritis have run away with me or got in the way. Whichever way you look at it I just haven't had enough minutes with a clear head to be able to write anything coherent. I don't know about anyone else but pain and brain fog can encompass my whole being and I can't see past that day, hour, minute or second.

September has been a busy month. Hubby had a birthday followed the next day by our gorgeous twins turning 5. The twins also started full time school in the reception class at the local primary school. Football training, dance classes and Beavers all resumed normal service of filling up evenings and weekends. Parties have been had and attended, cakes baked and eaten. Spoons used, borrowed and used again. In the background of all the madness and family life the countdown to the first of my knee replacement surgeries, which will hopefully mark the start of me gaining more mobility and a less pain filled existence has begun, slowly ticking away in the background.

Sometimes I wonder if my GP clutches at straws, or I get him on a day when he is tired and jumps at the first thing that comes to mind. I went to see him about some other symptoms I have, mainly: pain, extreme tiredness, tingling sensations that are not pins and needles, double vision, the cool breeze feeling on my eyes like I have got too close to the pot of vick, and dizziness. My GP's diagnosis......Depression. I filled in the questionnaire he gave me and I scored 5 because of the tiredness. I do not have feelings of failure and wanting to harm myself. 10 days later I go back to see the GP again with the same symptoms because they are steadily getting worse and I feel he didn't listen to me the last time. The diagnosis this time round......Migraines. Needless to say I was rather confused.com when I left. I have had double vision since I started secondary school and I wear glasses with a prism in them which sorts out the double vision. I wear glasses for distance vision and reading glasses for doing just that....reading! As a last resort I made an appointment at the opticians for my 3rd eye test this year. The result of which I have been referred back to the hospital as there is a massive difference in my prescription. The optician is concerned about the double vision and the dryness in my eyes. She filled in the referral form which I then gave to my GP. This was Thursday, with a bit of luck I will get a phone call from the GP surgery to pick up the choose and book form to make an appointment at the hospital soon. Fingers crossed this will give me some answers.

3 weeks today I will have a new right knee. I have 14 working days left, 6 of those are in the office in London so that is 12 long taxi journeys left and 8 more days working from home before operation get new knee commences. I am excited. People just don't seem to understand why I am. Of course I am nervous and apprehensive, this is a big operation with pain and a lot of physiotherapy afterwards. But...I have spent too long in pain, not being able to sleep, not being able to get about, using crutches and being pushed in a wheelchair. I am 33 not 83 and I am pinning all my hopes that these surgeries will put an end to these days and bring back a degree of normality to my life. I want to be able to open a door and walk through it. Go shopping and be able to pay for my shopping without straining to see over the counter and reach the chip and pin machine. Walk down the street holding my kids hands. Run in the park with the kids. Walk down the street holding Paul's hand instead of him pushing me in the wheelchair and me avoiding the pittying looks people give him. The other month George got a bit upset when we were shopping in Romford. He grabbed my hand and said "Mama, people keep looking at you." I gave him a hug and said "It's ok babba, they are just jealous of Mama's red wheels, ok?" I don't think people realise they are staring and the hurt that can be caused by staring at someone who is a little be less fortunate than themselves. I'm a strong person, I have to be, but I have an amazing family supporting me too who don't care that I need the sticks and the wheelchair. Who just want me to be pain free.

The countdown continues......